I Suck at blogging. I know it. Don't worry. I thought I had a new venture but I have been perfect since writing the all revealing post. Ok that is a liiiiie, but in truth writing it has helped me hear in the back of my head little reminders sometimes when I am about to go down a bad path with a reaction to something.
So I may have to change direction again....to what I have no idea.
On the whole I get an A for today! Perhaps that is because I didn't interact with anyone but my husband and that was just for the morning. HOWEVER, the minute he got home from work my grade took a hit. I promptly pointed out to him that I had cleaned up and vacuumed the main floor of our home! I am only taking a minus on that since this is not the worse of offenses on my list. October 1st: A-
Alright, here it goes. First up, I am posting a list of those things I want to change. This is the accountability part. If I put it out into the universe those items that I am trying to change than I can be called on it more readily. 1. I have a short fuse and can be easily frustrated. Much like a child I often allow my emotions to overtake me and have trouble putting them in check like an adult. 2. I apologize too much. 3. I seek out praise too much. Just last night I pointed out to my husband that I had done the dishes. He could see that. 4. I interrupt too much and don't listen as well as I used to. Often when I should just be sympathizing I tell another story that has to do with me. My intention is to show I understand but really I should just keep my mouth shut. 5. I get so upset at people who judge others but find myself judging at times as well. 6. I have trouble admitting I am wrong, even to myself. 7. I have a tendency to wallow when I am down and it seems I think that if I beat myself up it will somehow make it better. 8. I allow others to get to me. 9. I need outward acceptance. 10. I often speak before thinking...end up with my foot in my mouth. 11. I am fairly self-centered/self-involved. 12......I have a strange obsession with my faults......
The Philly Search will be changing! I know what you are thinking...it isn't like there is anything to change considering how infrequently I write! Well, that aside, it is changing just the same. It is now going to serve a more therapeutic purpose. Apparently, Benjamin Franklin would keep a notebook each week. In this notebook were all kinds of things he wanted to change about himself and he would give himself grades at the end of each week on how successful (or not) he was. I find this inspiring. Therefore, the definition of "The Philly Search" is going to no longer be about searching this city, rather it will be a bit of searching within me (who happens to live in Philly :). This is the reason I would like to warn you. This blog is going to be taking a very personal and narcissistic turn. Why am I doing this? Simply put, I want to improve myself. However, I have been trying for a very long time and I need help. So I think, if I put this out there, then I will feel more accountability. My husband wants me to be sure that this is for me and not for any one else. However, I have some difficulty separating my want to do this for myself and my want to do this for the people I love. But, essentially, I agree with him. If I am doing this for other people, then he thinks I will be able to get upset with said other people for not noticing my efforts at improvement. If I am doing this for myself, at least 80% for myself, then I only need my own approval to feel better about myself and love myself more. As I said, narcissistic, but I think this might be just what I need.
I can not even begin to explain how much I love surprises. Is there really anything as thrilling? I think I have the same amount of fun on either side of it. When I really think about it, I suppose I am a bit self involved. If someone is surprising me, part of the exhilaration is that someone or multiple someones are willing to take the time to plan a surprise for me. When it is me getting to be part of a surprise, I get SUCH a kick out of seeing the reaction that it is all a little bit for me too. They say there are no selfless acts and I guess this is just another example of that.
In the past two weeks I got to be involved in two and a half big birthday surprises. My dear sister was turning 31 and after having conspired with her boyfriend last year to throw a surprise party, I wanted to do a little bit extra this year too. My awesome new job was able to be flexible enough to let me go early last week. Fairly last minute my husband and I were able to show up for the friend celebration that was being held the day before her birthday. It was being held at an excellent restaurant in Petworth, D.C. We walked in about 20 minutes late and the group was sitting at the bar. Perfect. This meant her back was to the door. Her boyfriend nonchalantly glanced behind him and went back to his conversation. My sister did not even flinch. My husband and I simply walked up next to her at the bar and waited quietly until she turned around. After a full 30 seconds she glanced at us. And stopped. She looked back and then turned around to her friends at the bar and gaped at them. "Is that my Sister?? They aren't supposed to be here! They don't live here!!" She repeated, "They don't live here," about 5 more times before jumping out of her seat and gaping at us before enveloping us into great big bear hugs. The emotion on her face was just so genuine that I could not have been happier myself.
The following day was her family birthday celebration and I spent half of the day carving and icing a somewhat simple dinosaur cake. Somewhere along the way she had mentioned wanting a dinosaur cake so by gosh I was going to make sure it happened. We hadn't had a cake in a shape of anything specific in our family before (that I can recall). When she came in the house after pampering herself with a pedicure (a treat from her man) I could barely contain myself. Typically we bring the cake out at cake time, after dinner, after presents. However, I could not wait. So before dinner we brought it out and OH MAN did it go over well. She freaked out. It was awesome.
Finally, I got to be a part of a yet another birthday surprise. My father in-law's 60th birthday was this past Tuesday. He lives about two and a half hours away so after work, my husband called his Dad and wished him a Happy Birthday and lamented the fact that we would not be able to be with him, being it was a Tuesday. As soon as the call was over we hopped in the car and drove to the Eastern Shore of Maryland. His wife was practically dancing when she answered the door and just acted as though we were a neighbor stopping by. We walked into the living room where his father was reading his newspaper and said a simple, "Hello there." My father in-law stood up with a subtle, "Wow, where did you guys come from?" He gave us big hugs and then said he would have to sit down again we had surprised him so much! His surprise was far more understated than my sister's but equally as powerful. Today we received a grateful email from him letting us know that it was a memorable birthday for him.
This has been so fun for me :) I highly recommend, if you need a pick-me-up, plan a surprise for someone you love. Even if it is something small, I promise, it will make you feel good.
Obviously it has been ages since I have attempted to update this blog. Frankly, I have lost focus and inspiration. Reading that, I am certain you are thinking, "Oh, I know how that feels, she must have found a job!" Har de Har?
Well I have found a job! Thanks to a lovely neighbor and a little bit of getting the word around that I was still in the market I ended up with an exciting new job mere blocks from my house! Because I am paranoid about writing on the internet about my place of employment, I will leave it at that.
In the mean time, bear with me. I realize anyone who may have read this beyond humble blog is long gone, but I shall find inspiration again. I swear it. Much love to you :)